Crimea for Beginners

   So you all want to visit "The Crimea" eh? Well I can tell you there are many ways to get there and many ways to see the place. Of course it will depend on what you are going there for, the scenery, the history or just to see the most beautiful girls I have seen anywhere in the world, without any doubt. So you know what you want, do you know how to get it? I will tell you a little about my recent journey into Crimea.
    As an Englishman who has lived in Australia for almost 29 years now, and somewhat of a history buff with a deep desire to tread the famous North Valley, home of "The Charge". I decided to incorporate a visit into "The Crimea" along with a round the world trip, chasing up family friends and my family history research. Well the first thing you learn depending upon where you live is it isn't easy to get there from Perth WA. "Where you want to go? Is that near Alaska" Call themselves travel agents, oh yes it's fine for two weeks in Bali but try stretching them a bit haha, and you'll see what happens.

      I had also realised that with me speaking no Russian and having the services of Eugene it made sense for him to be my banker and do all the purchasing and negotiating etc, with this in mind I would change $150 USD into the local stuff which Eugene would hold. Who said the Russians are stupid, not now needing great wads of single dollar notes that made my pocket bulge I decided to quit some at the moneychangers. Well seems he didn't want them and offered me $103 in singles for some decent wedge ie 20's and 50's etc...... what an exchange rate that is eh? You could make a living like that? Once we were cashed up we did the city of Simferopol with Eugene as guide, telling me and pointing out things of interest.
We had to pick up our "Crimean War Expert" Vladimir, at the square, he was there and we did the introductions and headed West to the Alma battle site. Vladimir is a passionate and warm man who I think is a professor at some university somewhere, his local knowledge of the "The War" made it all worthwhile. We discussed and argued points of the battles as we Lada'd our way around to all the places I wanted to visit. If you are into "The War" Vladimir is must, enough said ok, and if you do nothing else "The Panorama" is a definite must see, I can only describe it as awesome.
    It was a long day and after some shopping for essentials (cognac, wine oh and some food) we dropped Vladimir off and headed for our billet at Chersonese. Bumping over the rutted track to the house at Chersonese in the dark made me wonder what would be at the other end. The house can only be described as in need of some TLC but it fits the bill, sitting on a rise overlooking the sea and a mystical ancient Greek temple that appears out of the darkness. I was introduced to the resident diggers headed up by Mike a quiet and serious young man, whose love of speeches and cognac is so close to my own haha. Well we drank whatever was about the place (several bottles) with each round preceded by a toast, which at first I thought wasted serious drinking time, but only added to the atmosphere. Although I don't speak Russian and apart from Eugene's English it was strange to say that I could understand generally what was said? I think that people who are genuinely friendly and interested in what you have to say somehow generate a language meeting place where much is understood. Maybe it was the cognac and the wine; haha drinkers always understand each other. After a nice long and boisterous night, well what was left of it we hit the sack. I don't need to but should point out the facilities are very basic so if your used to 5 star get a hotel ok (not the Ukraina)
After some breakfast and a walk around the site which is very interesting we went out for a tour around Sevastopol. A nice clean city with no crowds to speak off, the river is clean with a collection of different boats, ships and some remnants of the mighty soviet fleet rusting away in the their berths. Returning to Chersonese in the early afternoon (Eugene had promised me a shower) I luxuriated in a backyard camping shower with bags of sun warmed water, sheer luxury after almost three days without one. So what's on this afternoon then Eugene? "Cavetown" Ok lets go.
   The road to Cavetown is pretty good until you turn off the main road, then of course it deteriates into an eventual cart track. Tim had previously made comments regarding the toughness of the mighty Red Lada. Well that Lada bounced and bumped its way over potholes, ruts and rocks without stopping, haha well it's hard to avoid the stuff if your doing 40 or 50 mph now isn't it? Just a point of interest here for music lovers? I had ferreted about in the glovebox for something to deaden the whine of the Lada's protesting springs. All Eugene had in there was mostly Russian stuff, but hey what's this..... Two Chris Reah tapes....hhmm Okay so we played those tapes over and over and over. Going to Cavetown over the bumps as Chris sang "the road to Hell" was ironic.
After a long climb to the top it was all worth it, spectacular views and the caves are well worth a look, you wont find this on any tourist map, let alone get a bus in there, you need local knowledge.
It was starting to get dark by the time we had clambered down; I could certainly do with a beer. We set of on the long drive back to Chersonese, but then Eugene suggested we stop at another of his many friends for tea? Ok where, I had seen nothing on the way in. Turning off the road we pulled into Ayesha's place, I couldn't believe what I saw, or how people live like this. As always the welcome was warm and friendly, we were soon sitting in some kind of elevated hoochie waiting for some food. Well best thing on the menu is definitely "Cheboriacs" (my spelling) I had another go at those, didn't care for the grass tea much but it whet the whistle. After long goodbyes we set off again, singing to Chris on the hour and a half drive back to Chersonese.
We had another party at the house, which seemed more subdued as some of the gang had to go back to their homes, the "Doctors" toast was sad; he really likes it there. Well I finally went to bed about 1.45 so it couldn't have been that bad, great people, honest sincere and genuine, I miss them.
"Up at eight you can't be late for Mathew and Son, he wont wait". Of course he had to wait I slept a little better and rose at about 8.30, had some breakfast and said our goodbyes..... We are of to Yalta. On the way we visit the " Summer Palace" and the palace of old Czar Nicholas 2 which is where the meeting between Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill took place, it is well maintained with lovely gardens, well worth the stop. We had lunch at a cafe owned by another of Eugene's friend's lovely, sausage and chips with a pint of beer. Yalta is like an English seaside town from the 50's or if you like, a wedding! Something old, something new, something borrowed something blue! I had to smile as we walked the entire length of the promenade, lots of people there mostly Russians on holiday, and a few old men with young ladies? We went shopping for wine and food; after all you cannot visit friends empty handed. So loaded up with supplies we head on to Erik's place near Bear Mountain. Erik is another friend of the indomitable Eugene, I am sure he must be some kind of wheeler-dealer. Erik lives in what once may have been a nice block of flats, years of neglect are evident on the outside, I would have thought they were 50 or 60 years old, Erik assured me they were only built in the 70's. Think they must have cur down on the cement mix when these were built. Never mind the welcome is as warm as toast, the first thing Erik said after the hello's was "You want a shower". Too bloody right I never wasted any time, Erik showed me how the ad hoc plumbing worked and I was in. Erik is a real gentleman, his stories of the life he has lead especially up in the salt mines was something else, between large drinks of course. We drunk everything again and eventually got of to bed late. Next day Erik insisted on taking us to the local winery where he bought a bottle of Crimean wine and made a long speech before presenting me with it, with instructions to drink it at Christmas and to think of him. I still have it and cant wait for Xmas, thanks Erik, after some hugs and photos we set off again for Sudak, about two hours away by Red Lada.
Naturally Eugene had another side trip in mind which took us along an almost deserted beach, where the Lada was parked under the watchful eye of the local kiosk owner. Shit what a bloody walk we went on then, as if that wasn't bad enough Eugene insisted we start climbing bloody mountains. "The New World" he said, of course he's delirious from the sun, all there is here is bloody rocks?
   The slow walk upwards and across the headland took us to an almost sheer rock face; ok so this is it? "We must go up here," said      Eugene pointing to a chimney of broken rock, of course hes definitely touched. "Haha you want me to climb up there?" yes that's what he wanted, so of we clambered, it is a steep climb but not more than 40 feet so anyone under 20 would have no probs? Haha if your as fit as me it takes a little longer, but we made it to the top and shuffled around a little bend..... "The Lost World" lay before us, what a sight, I can only say it was a pity the sky was slightly overcast with some rain haze hanging about, but magnificent it is, and worth the climb.
It took two and a half hours to do the climb and return to the beach, this could have been because we slowed up to take in the views along the way back, which were some good looking nudists enjoying themselves in the sea? We stopped at the kiosk for a drink which took a little time to organise due to the limited range, we settled for warm orange juice. Sitting there, I was disappointed at the litter of plastic drink bottles and rubbish along the beach. Eugene told me it was the end of the tourist season and blamed foreigners for the mess. One thing for sure a very nice beach is spoiled just because no bins are provided, wake up Crimea.
    We headed of to visit the "Genovese Fort" which is not much more than the wall and some towers, however again well worth a look especially from the tower, the view over the sea and surrounds is excellent. The town is clean and tidy, not crowded with a nice sandy beach, which seemed to be busy; I am not sure what the brown stain was they were swimming through at the southern end, although I had my suspicions. After a long day we headed back to Simferopol, stopping at a nice clean "Tartar Cafe" haha beer and "Cheboriacs" was the order. I told Eugene that Ayesha's were better. Well after a nice drink there is the problem of relieving oneself? across the road there was a pay privy, haha Eugene wanted a tom tit I just needed a pee, after paying Eugene took the required number of squares off the counter and went of to do his stuff. It was very clean in there although just cubicles with a hole in the floor, I was happy I didn't need a tom tit? Arriving back home to Eugene's place at around 6.30 a nice warm shower sorted me out while I waited for tea.
I repacked my bag ready for the 5am rise for the airport and settled with Eugene. I was humbled when Eugene came into my room and presented me with a bottle of cognac and his most treasured possession. Yes you guessed it, the Chris Reah tape we had played all over Crimea. Maybe he was just glad to get rid of it, haha he had listened to it maybe fifty times. Eugene delivered me to the airport and made sure my papers were in order, we bid each other goodbye and I had an easy transit thru to the departure lounge. I can't say enough about the entire visit, the friendliness of the people, the scenery, and of course the women and the wine.....Do it go visit Crimea, but make sure you have a guide, Eugene's the best
    I need to thank Eugene, Vladimir, Michael and the Doctor his wife and all those at Chersones, Erik and everyone else along the way that made for a memorable trip. As Macarthur said "I will return"
  Oh I heard that Eugene has a near new Ford, well I think that "The Red Lada" should be placed in the place of remembrance next to the mighty Russian tanks and other pieces of Military equipment, so it can be enjoyed by all who pass it. Oh I took my video camera with me, thought it was working ok, but when I got home I found I had only 6 minutes of film out of 45 (needles to say it has had the full Basil Faulty treatment). And I thank Eugene for constantly being a pest with his digital camera, I have 120 pics all taken by him to remind me of the trip.
    In closing I do not claim to be an expert on the Crimea, but been there done that so if anyone would like any further information views or comments, or to see some pics please do not hesitate in contacting me by e-mail at  swadlingesq@bigpond.com